Why I believe Breakups are not that Bad a thing

(This article is for people who find a breakup hard to deal with and are emotionally vulnerable)
I am no expert on breakups neither I want to become one because however they lead us to the path of transformation, they will still remain a path of endless despair. Breakups are painful, there is no denying that but then is pain an emotion to be feared? No it is an emotion that can help even the most laid back souls to take a path that will illuminate their brains into finding who they actually are.
I know many of you will not understand this philosophical crap. Can't help much. I am an ardent follower of Paulo Coelho.
Not deviating from my topic: Breakups!!
They appear as if they are the end of the world  and sadly it is perceived that the solution for a broken heart is another relationship.Eventually we start believing they are, because we fail to see the opportunities life is ready to offer. Too shaken up to see that beyond those black clouds of despair a beautiful discovery awaits us: Self Discovery!!
Breakup is definitely not something to brag about. It is a personal failure. And I accept that. Sometimes things don't workout with people for many reasons. A breakup can be sad, pathetic, neutral, devastating, happy or just a breakup. Me writing this article has nothing to do with any personal grievances because I respect people who have been a part of my life as a teacher disguised as a companion for a while. I am writing this because there are many for whom life is nothing but a nightmare after the breakup. I have felt the agony, I have learnt from it. And there is no shame accepting it.
When we are in love, the major foci of our lives change to the person we love and the minor including everything else. For those who can passionately love someone the prime foci becomes their lover: their happiness, their activities, their habits,etc etc. In the process of love we forget that apart from the person we love there is one more very important person i.e. "YOU". What makes love a powerful emotion? The person who loves, that being you. It is your aura, your energy that radiates. But then if your energy is being dissipated without you receiving the same from your love then you lose on your light.
When you breakup, for the first time you are alone, in your heart. They say you feel a void because for the first time the prime foci of your life despite of being visible has no significance. It is then that you realize that now you have time to focus on you.
When my breakup happened, for the first few days I ended up in so much despair that I thought my life had no meaning. As if the only purpose I was born for was to love and that defeats the basic purpose of life. Was I born to make a man feel loved? NO!! I was born to experience the miracle of living by not just existing but by exploring. I was so used to the routine of having him in my life that I had adjusted my life accordingly. So with him gone, gave me enormous amount of time. The only problem was I did not know what to do with that time. After several days of crying and wallowing in depression I came to a point where the tears ceased to fall and my own brain started laughing at me for being such a kid.
"It is just a guy. Nothing more nothing less. Let us for a moment assume that he was a soulmate, the person you are destined to be with. You broke up. Right? That means this is not the right time for your union or perhaps in the first place the entire assumption is wrong and flawed."
With this statement I procured a power to believe that till now I was just an ordinary person. I experienced heartache because there was no other way the stars could have led me to believe that I should focus on myself. I should be changing now, not just to become a better person but also to make myself strong enough for more heartaches, for the process of love is all pain because love guarantees that you'll feel too much and want too much from people who are unwilling to give you that much.
I started going out on walks. During those times I allowed myself to think about me. What I like, what I dislike, what I want to do with life. I was changing the foci of my life to me. I was amazed to know that in the recent past I had done nothing that solely pleased me. I loved writing, dancing, singing, knowing, reading, cooking but all this while I was too busy pleasing someone else that I forgot it was necessary for me to love myself before sharing that love with someone.
I started a blog and wrote whatever came to my mind. I started reading voraciously: books and books!!! I used to wake up and dance for a while and sing (I am a pathetic singer) yet it all gave me happiness. Many things happened:
1. I was becoming physically fit and felt energized. I made new friends in the park, they being kids.
2. I became very aware of many mysteries of life by reading so much. Enlightening it was.
3. I vented all my emotions in my blog. I felt light.
4. Dancing gave me happiness.
5. Singing gave me more happiness.

Every passing day I realized, that yes I missed the feeling of being in love but then these new things had so much to offer. A different happiness all together.
I could watch endless youtube videos, talk to all my friends, did not have to bother about where my phone was, no late night calling, no worrying about how to make him feel that I love him, no insecurities of him being with someone else or talking to someone, no anxiety if he was not calling.
For the first time I was at peace with myself. My life revolved around me and only me! Things that made me happy.
Slowly and steadily I started reading more and more and felt that perhaps the breakup was the best thing that happened to me. I would have never realized how much more efficient I was, what all I could do, what talents I had if i would have kept investing in a relationship. Not that investing is bad but then not every investment will give you what you desire. On a personal level apart from love the major reason for the relationship was that I was not ready to be emotionally independent. I feared being alone. It felt I will be worthless without a man validating my existence. This was nothing but my low self confidence playing games with me. The problem arises when do relationships because we start loving the idea of being in love. That leads to insecurities, arguments, grudges. Love is like a gamble. You can never be sure when you will hit the jackpot. But the most important question still is "Why do we fall in love?"
The sole answer is we do not want to be alone, we want to be loved and for that we need constant assurance from another person, we need someone to make us feel important. Love is a path to seek happiness. Not having a relationship signifies as if you lack something. It is never so. It means your own life is so full that you cannot afford to have another person to invest into it.
There is nothing very smart or very intelligent in being in love or staying single. It is all about your own convenience. People handle relationships and self love equally as well. As I said this article is for those who just make love the center of their life.
Off course we do miss the good days and regret the bad ones. We miss being held onto. Being is love is a great feeling. We miss conversations. But if you are aware enough you'll step on a totally new path: Conversations with self! They will answer every doubt you have. They will make you feel important. The more you'll know yourself the more you will be aware of your potential, the more you'll attract people who are meant for you and who'll suit you. Knowing what you want is half the battle won.
And then obviously with so much time you can easily decipher the purpose of your life: Mine is writing!! Yours can be anything singing , dancing, programming, teaching, learning, simply walking, running, laughing just anything.
Suddenly you'll start believing that the breakup was necessary to make you meet the person who you really are!! It is like that light that will guide you. Obviously it is a painful journey only to the point when you haven't experienced the miracle of knowing who you are. For me I still believe it was the best thing that happened to me. For the time being I really don't want to give my time to anyone because there is so much left to learn, so much left to tell you all. If I fall in love my foci might just change again. That will be hard to find yet again.
As of now: This is life: Knowing myself and enjoying finding who I am.
For in the end it's all about you!!!