A Letter to my Future Husband

Dear Future HusbandI do not know your name as of now but then does it matter? You don't know mine either. Hope you are doing fine. I am just a little upset with the kind of society I live in. Mind hearing me out?Very often I am told that I can't be a good wife because I lack the basic pre-requisites for being one, for example I am stubborn, outspoken, a little less "feminish", not exactly fitting the definition of a respected lady because I have a "naked mind" and I write and interact with a lot of people over issues that are still a taboo in our society like rapes, sexual harassment, molestation, pornography, menstruation, etc, etc."A girl with good morals will never go forward and write about such things on a public platform Divya. This is not called being bold. It is called being brazen or in simpler words shamelessness. These are nothing but attention seeking tactics."The above statement has been made by different people in more or less the same manner towards me. It is sad. Very demeaning at times that in my quest to make this country more aware I am losing on respect (according to some people).Here I will mention all the possible reasons that I can fathom that "why I can't be a good wife". It is in general a reply to people who think I can't be one. In case you think that after reading these you can marry me, then I will be more than happy. But then these are some things highly unlikely to change.Don't be scared I am not asking for your kidney. Just some little equality and respect. Here it goes-1. I can't be a good Indian wife because I do not believe in worshiping the man I marry. The man I will marry shall be my equal, neither superior nor inferior to me. I will respect him to the core but I also expect him to respect me the same way. I am not ready to put him on a pedestal higher than mine in order to make him feel significant. I cannot do that. But then I am all ready to be his companion, his equal half rather than better half.2. I love my career to bits and pieces. My parents have invested a huge part of their hard earned money into educating me. I cannot give up on my career to stay at home and be a good house wife. I am not saying that I will turn a blind eye to my responsibilities towards our home. I can assure to devote equal attention to both spheres of my lives but then I expect you to help me out because this home belongs to both of us equally. Just like you I will come tired after working all day. It seems a little unfair to me if I have to do all household chores alone. I am not saying that you have to cook for me everyday but a cup of tea once in a blue moon wouldn't hurt I guess. At least I will know that you are sensitive towards the amount of pressure on me.3. I have no qualms veiling my head if that makes my elders believe that I respect them. I respect people and I have no issues bowing down to touch their feet because in return I get lots of good wishes for my future but  if you try and tell me to veil my thoughts then I would not respect that. I am not objectifying myself while I write and even if I do then that is my profession. If respectable ladies do not talk about sex or rapes on public platform then it is not my fault. I have made it a point to educate the society and I find it extremely necessary. I am sorry you have to put up with that. This would not change. You can change your mind byt he way.4. I am not a machine to be able to satiate to your desires when you want.You have to give me the time and space to adjust and feel comfortable around yourself (I am against marital rapes). And also I believe there is nothing wrong if in case I tell you about my desires and my needs (it is not wrong. I am a human being and my hormones are equally capable).5. I will never tolerate on being questioned about my character. For the kind of profession I have chosen, it demands a great deal to be in contact with my readership audience for their feedback. This is a part of my job. I am a very loyal person. I value honesty and transparency in relationships. I am ready for you to have a peek in my life whenever you want so that you can be rest assured but then I also want you  to give me equal rights in that respect. Those who have to cheat will do,irrespective of anything.  And if in case I would have been doing any other job still the same would have applied.6. I can cook, do dishes, wash clothes, clean my home, sew, stitch etc etc because I know how to do that but I absolutely abhor the idea of being treated like a maid. I am doing everything out of my love and responsibility and under no circumstance would I allow anyone to take me or the work I do for granted.I'd like to be appreciated and thanked for everything I do. There is no harm in showering appreciation if it is making your life easier. Is it?7. Usually good wives are expected to be obedient. That is the last thing you can expect me to be. I am ready to discuss and talk about any issue we are facing but obey? Nah! Not my cup of tea. Just the way you don't like to take orders, I am no different. I will do as I please till the point there is nothing wrong in it. But if in case it hurts you or our family I am ready to quit on that if I see a good reason behind it. Bottom line I am accommodating.8. I'll treat your family with respect and I would want you to treat mine with the same. Though if you do not, even then I will respect your family but not you anymore and I might as well pack my bags and leave because if you can't respect those who have spent their lives trying to make me who I am then you will never be able to respect me. Whenever we have kids, point one I want no discussion over the gender of my children and point two they are your kids as much as they are mine. I will be drained through the process of pregnancy and I will need care. I am not asking you to quit your job but then if you see our child crying because he/ she has wet his/her nappy, take the pain and change it. It is called "Child Father Bond".9. I will really make it clear I am not taking any sort of domestic violence, verbal abuse or name calling in our marriage and neither will I do the same. We should behave like adults and mature people and respect each other's life and privacy. If you slap me, I will slap you back and also file an FIR and get you behind the bars. But then I know if I misbehave you have every right to condemn my behavior and take necessary action. So let us just both try and not do that-saves us from a lot of trouble.10. As I earn and so do you, we would equally contribute to our household.But then I would like us to have our respective bank accounts and also control over our respective money. If that is not a problem. And as we are talking about economic aspects , it wouldn't come as a surprise if I might say that I am against dowry. I earn a decent enough salary each month. I am equally qualified and I understand that this will act like an additonal burden to my parents.I understand that I might sound rude, arrogant and dominating. I am none of these. I am just simply stating what I feel is right. We can talk about them.These are not conditions. These are wishes. Because I believe we both should have a happy marriage. I am not asking for anything that is unjust. Am I? I have been brought up in an open environment. There are no hard and fast rules that you have to marry me. But then I will be happy if you apply all this to any girl who is more than willing to be your wife. She'll be happy and obviously a happy wife leads to a happy family. So it is a happy happy situation.Take careYours only when you marry me, till then my own

Divya Sharma