She sat on the couch and turned the
television on, casually flipping the channels occasionally glancing at the wall
clock.
“There still are 40 minutes to go”, she
told herself silently.
She looked towards the kitchen where she
left the coffee for brewing.
“He loves strong coffee”. Smiling she
inhaled the aroma of coffee wafting in her home.
She took a week off from office, a much
needed break from work. She grew tired of being a software professional, for a
while she wanted to do nothing, sit at home, cook good food, chat with her
friends, try new recipes and read. Two days had passed in bliss. She slept to
her heart’s contentment.
She again looked at the watch.
“Oh God why is this clock testing my
patience. Relax!! It's just a matter of 15 minutes.”
She was waiting for her husband who usually
arrived home by nine. All tired and worked up. She looked around the interiors
of her room, the plush leather sofa set, the big LED screen TV, the Kashmiri
handwoven carpet, the marvellous collection of exclusive dine ware, her mahogany
bed and her sparkling chandelier. These were the luxuries for which they worked day and
night for the past five years. She smiled remembering her first day in this house
when they slept on the floor. There was nothing, empty. But still, today after everything she felt empty. These luxuries failed to provide
comfort. Her soul yearned for motherhood. She wanted her child, her very own
sweet little child. She wanted someone who could bring a splash of color in
their drab life, someone whom she could scold for sketching on the walls,
someone for whom she would run through the entire house, someone whose laughter
would kill the silence that prevailed in her home.
Today she was determined to talk to Runal,
her husband, about it.
The sound of the bell brought her back to the
reality.
She
welcomed Runal with his favourite coffee. Surprised he asked the reason
for her happiness.
“Runal I was wondering don’t you think it
is time that we should think about a child.”
“What is the hurry?”
“I am already 32 Runal, the more we extend
this, the more complications we’ll have.”
“What is the need for a baby? Are you not
happy with me? We are living a life we have always dreamt of. Why do you want
to even bring a child into it?”
“Runal bring some sense into your talks.
You don’t produce babies to fulfil any needs. I know we have everything and
ultimately whom are we earning all this for?”
“I am earning for myself. I am making it
very clear to you I don’t want kids and the discussion ends here.”
He went inside the slammed the door hard.
Something cracked inside her, perhaps her
heart.
She wanted a child. She thought she’ll
again try talking to him knowing that it would be useless. Runal dressed up and
came outside declaring that he’d be late. Before she could even say a word he
went out. She looked at the watch again.
11pm
I guess it's already too late.
Runal was driving very fast on the empty
roads of the city.
“I have to tell her now. I have to. I can’t
keep it a secret now. All these years I have taken all precautions to hide it,
taking extra measures to prevent any effect on her but now I have no escape.
Impregnating her meant sowing the seeds of my disease in her. Damn! I can’t
even think about this. I do not want her to suffer the way I am suffering
everyday. I still regret getting this tattoo done. How would have I known this
tattoo would alter my life this way making me an HIV Positive person. And there
are high chances that the child will have the same disease. But if I tell her
she’d hate me, probably leave me, abandon me but if I don’t I’ll deprive her of
joys of motherhood. What if I tell her that I am infertile? But then someday my
HIV will lead to Aids then what will I do.”
Suddenly darkness engulfed him, he lost
control.
He felt a hand on his head, a warm liquid
on his cheeks and then a finger wiping it away.
“Where am I”, he wondered.
He felt intense pain trying to bring his
senses in order, a hazy appearance sat next to him. It was his wife.
“Runal? Runal? Doctor I guess he is gaining
consciousness”, she rushed outside.
He looked at her. Her eyes were swollen and
red. Her dishevelled appearance showed her anxiety. When the doctor exited he
asked her to come and sit next to him.
“I have to tell you something.”
“I already know that. Your blood reports
were given because you lost excess blood during the accident.”
“Then what are you still doing here?”
“What do you mean by that. I am your wife.
If I will not be sitting here who else would? I guess he operation has had a
bad impact on your brain”, she smiled.
“Are you not angry I hid that from you?”
“Angry? No. Sad? Yes. I wanted you to tell
me and not the doctor but I guess you had a reason for not telling me.”
“Why are you still with me? You can leave.”
“I did not marry you to leave you when you
require me the most. I am here and I will stay. And you don’t tell me what I
should do or not. You have messed up enough. Now let me take control. See you
are so bad at handling things alone. You need me and I need you more than I
need a child. By the way I have filled an adoption form and because you have
fractured your hand I copied your signature”, she giggled like a naughty child.
“ I love you.”
“If you mean it never lie to me again. Take
rest now.”
“Won’t you say you love me too?”
“Ummm is it necessary? I’ll say when I feel
like. I said it around a thousand times when you were unconscious. You did not
reply. You know how I felt? I felt like you were slipping out of my hands. You
should be glad at least I am wide awake listening to your love saga and
blushing.”
He closed his eyes and slept peacefully,
for the first time in so many years.
