Will she ever be the same?

Nooooo..... She woke up screaming, sweating in the controlled temperature of her AC. She heaved a sigh of relief knowing she was at her home.

“Who turned off the lights in Sara’s room”, the voice of her mother boomed in the hallways.

“Are you okay sweety? I am right here. You don’t need to worry”, she petted her forehead.

Feeling a warm sensation on her bed she removed her blankets only to discover that she had wet her bed once again. Embarrassed and helpless she looked at her mother who appeared calm and composed not giving a second glance to the soiled bedsheet.

“Its okay beta. You go and change, I will change the bedding. It’s not a big deal. Would you like some warm milk?”

Sara without a word moved towards her bathroom. She switched on the shower and stood below it not even caring to remove her clothes. She stared at the full length mirror infront of her , her favourite mirror where she spent hours trying to put up different hairstyles and makeup. Today the mirror showed someone else.

“This is not me. I am not this. How can I wet my bed? No No No”,  she sat down bringing her feet closer to her body, she wept. Her stifled screams drowned by the shower. Nobody could hear her screams today just like that day. She wept and wept.

Outside, her mother changed the bedding when she discovered a little blood on the white sheet. Mortified she called the doctor telling her what had happened.

“Mrs. Mehra it happens. There are some internal injuries. Please bring her tomorrow to my clinic. I have to run several tests. Don’t worry trust me I have seen cases like these before. She’ll be fine. All we need is a little patience and lots of love.”

She clutched the curtains, she was sobbing.  She did not know what to do, never in life she felt so helpless and angry at the same time. She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Sara’s father. Even his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Trust God. Everything will be fine”, he hugged her hard. They both cried.

Bedwetting was a common problem for kids but Sara, she was not a kid. She was a 22 year old fully grown woman. A woman who had not even once, in her childhood, wet her bed.

Sara was an outshining person. She personified happiness for everyone around. A perfect scholar, beauty with brains was the title she got when she ended her college. Doing her Masters from the best university, she was the shinning star of the house. But everything changed in a matter of a few hours.

She was returning from her classes one evening  and on the lonely stretch her car broke down. She called up home and asked her brother to come up who was busy talking to his fiancée.

By the time he reached the car. He found Sara gagged up in the last seat of her car, naked and bleeding from her privates. Her eyes were  tied with the shirt she wore to college and her legs and hands tied with her torn up trousers.  He shouted on the top of his voice which only echoed back.

When Sara opened her eyes, she was home. That was a mere corpse that had been brought home. She refused to speak, eat or let anyone except her mother in her room. She would not close her eyes and kept the lights turned on even in the day. Even the sight of a male would make her yell and shout and run for covers. She did not even  let her father enter the room she was living in. She became paranoid. She would wake up screaming in the night and would sob continuously. Nobody knew what happened that day. Her friends came  but she did not let anyone in her room. She refused to take her clothes down even while bathing. For a complete month she just laid in bed, staring at the ceiling fan. It scared her mother. Sara did not even blink her eyes for minutes. What happened in that one hour?Yes, she was raped but what happened every minute after that was a bigger ordeal.

“Sara, Vivek has been coming for  every single day past two months. He desperately wants to talk to you. Would you like to meet him?”

“Ask him to go away. I do not wish to talk to anyone.”

Vivek entered the room the next second. Vivek was Sara’s boyfriend of 5 years.

“You can’t refuse to talk to me. It's not just about you Sara. For how long will you stay locked up in this damned room of yours? Have you lost all sense? What had to happen has already happened now. For how long will you punish yourself for it? Don’t you have to go to college? What about your exams? Stop victimizing yourself. God damn it!!!”

“Leave”, Sara spoke with her voice ice cold.

Vivek was on the verge of tears. He went near her and held Sara’s hand. She flinched with his touch tried pushing him away.

“Sara look at me. I am Vivek, your love. Look at me. I am not going to hurt you. Have I ever done that? No na... Listen to me baby I am here to be with you. You know I love you. And more than that I know you love me. Stop hurting yourself. You know your brother called his marriage off because he thought all this happened because he did not reach on time. He is also punishing himself every moment. Your dad has left no stones unturned to find out who those bastards were. You refuse to speak about it. Ok don’t tell me. At least tell the police. How are we supposed to let them free? You need to grow out of this.”

She pushed him away.

“What Vivek what love? Were you there when they held me like a hostage clawing my body, biting me as if I was a piece of flesh? When they burnt me with cigarettes? I refuse to speak. Yes, I refuse! What should I tell people? They are gone, long gone. You can’t find them and even if you do will this event be erased from my body and mind? I feel like pouring acid all over my body. The scars on my body make me feel disgusted. Those bite marks, scratches, they make me feel sick. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I feel the same darkness that I felt when my eyes were forcibly closed and tied with my very own shirt. That one hour was just physical pain but ever since then I have been dying. Every moment passes in  self pity. And now you are coming and giving me this sympathy? That you love me? Bullshit? Who would  love a girl who has been raped? You wanted to be my first, right? See, I am no more a virgin and who took my virginity? Some bloody rapist!! What did I do to deserve this? Was I wearing anything revealing? Was I inviting unwanted attention? What did I do?”

Sara was shouting at the top of her voice. For a moment even Vivek stood still. He did not have answers but he refused to quit.

“Sara I am your first baby. Forget this nightmare. Yes I wasn’t there when I should have. I am sorry Sara. Stop doing this to yourself. We’d find the best of counselors. Everything will be just fine. You will have to trust me and your family. Its not just difficult for you. See your father. You did not allow him once in this room. He is so pained seeing you in pain. When you are asleep he keeps standing at this door looking at you. He calls himself a failure as a father because he couldn’t protect you.  Sara you tell me if anyone had the slightest idea would they have not come to rescue? Did you know that this is going to happen?”

“I do not know. I do not even want to think. I have given upon life. I will never be the same.”

“ You are still the same for us. You mean everything to us. Just don’t give up yet. Don’t refuse the help. We want you back as you were. Please help yourself”

Every year so many girls are raped. We all talk about the gruesome happenings of a rape, its brutality but some how its aftermath go unnoticed. What a girl goes through after the rape is even more painful. Rape not only disfigures the body but also the soul. We need to accept the survivors and show them love and concern because they deserve it!