He woke to the sound of his blaring alarm. Yawning he
switched off his phone and turned to the other side and slept again. After an
hour he felt refreshed enough to resume his daily routine. His body demanding
it’s daily caffeine fix. He took his cup and sat down glancing at the daily
news. Weekends were always meant to relax. They were a subtle reminder that
there exist a world out of his lab and research work. Usually on week ends he
would reply to all emails, messages and inboxes. His work kept him really busy
nearly detaching him from all social hangups.
He scrolled down his newsfeed not paying any heed to the
statuses or photographs and then suddenly his fingers stopped. His friend went
to an engagement. A very familiar face lit up his laptop’s screen. He kept
staring at the screen and then to the comments below.
“Congratulations for this new phase of life.”
“So happy to see this.”
“Nice pair.”
Three beautiful girls clad in Indian wear were standing next
to a man dressed in a business suit. The man and the woman next to him appeared an extremely good looking and
compatible couple by all standards. The only fact that pinched him was that the
lady was the love of his life at some point of time. His memories took him back
to the last conversation they ever had.
“Are you thinking about our future”, she asked.
“What future?”
“I mean my parents are pestering me now for marriage. I
guess it’s time we should break it out to them. We both have achieved a little
part of our dreams and are working. There is no reason for us to delay it
anymore. But incase you want more time for your career we can still wait for
like 2 more years.”
“I do not want to marry you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“See we both have been in a relationship with each other for
a very long time. But then I don’t think we are compatible as a couple. We
argue so much. And I don’t think you’d make a perfect wife for me. I have so
many grudges due to our past bitter experiences. I love you no doubt I do but
then I don’t want to marry you. I’ll stay loyal to you but then again I do not want
to be bound to you.”
Tears welled up in her eyes.
“Why so? What will this love mean then? What am I supposed
to do with this love? How can you even think that I’ll be in a relationship
with you knowing you’d not marry me. How will I justify it to anyone and more
than that myself? I love you a lot. I want to marry you , have a family with
you and want to live with you forever.”
“Why don’t you understand I do not want to marry . That is
it.”
“What do you want then? You want me to stay with you and one
fine day move ahead with someone else in a matrimony? How will I be able to do
that? I want to be with you. I know with time you’d change your decision.”
“I won’t keep you in dark I will not change my mind. I do
not want to marry you. Stay if you want or else leave. You’ll destroy any house
you go into. No man will ever be happy with you. You are so possessive , clingy
and a cry baby.”
“Yes I am emotional but then we both have flaws. I do not
mention yours does not mean you do not have any.”
“What ever. Stay or leave. I hardly care.”
“Are you sure you are not joking?”
“See how dumb you are. You don’t even get simple things.”
“I am leaving for once. And let me tell you perhaps right
now this freedom seems alluring but one fine day you would want to hold my hand
and be with me and by then I would have gone. You are saying that I will
destroy any man but yet when I will be married you would be pained the most.
Why is it that your love is scared of commitment? I love you a lot and I have
never left any stone unturned for your happiness. Take your time but then don’t
end things like this.”
He blocked her.
From everywhere.
He thought how clingy a girl she was.
“Why was marriage so important? Why does every relationship
has to end in matrimony. I love her. Wasn’t that enough for her? Why do we have
to tie our relationships in threads of marriage. I loved her and would have
stayed with her out of my will but then I do not want to be forced into
something I do not want to do. Whatever I can concentrate on my career now. Anyways
our relationship had reached its deadlock.”
He never heard anything from her again. All he got to know
was that she did her MBA from a good college and turned into a writer.
Somehow today he felt restless. All these years he did not
give a second thought to why things ended. Occasionally her memories haunted
him but he shunned them away. Seeing her today next to another man enraged him.
He was furious. He read all the comments and finally clicked to the link of the
man she was engaged to.
Viraj Misra
He was a young entrepreneur who had won several awards for
his skills. He appeared quite rich and was decently good looking. Above all he
was insanely in love with his love. They had so many photographs together. He
felt jealous. His own emotions surprised him. Unconsciously he started
comparing himself to this other guy.
“He is like shorter than me and just a rich business man. I
am a researcher, so well known in my field. He doesn’t suit her the way I did.
He appears to be snobbish.”
Suddenly it struck him why was he even trying to compare. He
himself told her that he did not want to marry her. Pushed her out of his life.
She has every right to seek a new companion. But then the reasoning of his mind
couldn’t pacify his heart. His heart refused to accept that she can ever forget
him.
This photograph was a slap to his ego, the same ego that did
not let him talk to her ever again.He started questioning if he took the right
decision back then. He wanted to talk to her, tell her that yes he missed her
in every moment of life yet he did not call her because he did not want to
appear weak. He wanted to prove to her that he was independent and he could
live without her. He did prove it all but to whom? He
wanted to love her again and wanted to be loved again.
He felt devastated. The uneasiness he felt everytime he saw
the photographs revealed his true feelings for her. He longed like a small baby
for his mother. She was his, only his.
He never knew seeing her next to someone else will evoke feelings that had the
power to turn his world. How happy he was thinking that he could live without
her. But then all it took was a photograph to prove how wrong he was. Pangs of
guilt and remorse engulfed him.
“See she is not happy in the picture. She never smiles like
this. I know her fake smiles better than anyone. Huh. Now she doesn’t even
appear possessive. This man is standing so close to all the ladies. Huh
cheapster. He is not good for her.”
He kept comforting himself.
Through out the day he kept seeing the picture and kept
reminiscing about the beautiful time they had spent. He repented each word he
had said. His plush apartment seemed so silent. How he loved silence but today he wanted her to come and break the
silence.
“I should talk to her. I’ll ask her if she loves me.
Obviously she doesn’t or else why would she marry him. But then I should try
once. But she’d mock me. But isn’t it better to talk to her.”
His thoughts were in a turmoil. He was in this strange
dilemma whether to call her or not. In the end his heart silenced his brain and
he picked up his mobile. He still knew her number. Praying and hoping she
wouldn’t have changed it he called.
The ring went. Once, twice thrice.
“Hello.”
His heart melted hearing her voice. He wanted to get into
his phone and hold her and cry. He composed himself.
“Errr hello.”
There was silence on the both the ends.
“Is this you?”
“Congrats you got engaged. Saw on Facebook. Thought I’d give
you a call.”
“What? Me? Engaged ? To whom? “
“Ummm Viraj. It’s okay if you don’t want to break the news
to me.”
“ Viraj is my best friend and colleague past 3 years. It was
his engagement not mine. He is engaged to the girl wearing the purple attire. I
was attending that event.”
All of a sudden he felt relieved. “She is still mine”, he
thought. It occurred to him that he never cross checked that guy’s profile that
who he was engaged to. Neither did he check her profile. He felt like a fool.
He sheepishly continued.
“Oh I am sorry. I thought it was your engagement.”
“How does it make a difference to you. One fine day even
I’ll be married. I do not understand after so many years you made a call for
this?”
“Well I mean I guess I mean how are you?”
“I am perfectly fine. Doing great. What about you?”
“I am good. Are you seeing someone?”
“Why should I answer that? It is my personal life.”
“That means you are.”
“No it means I am not telling you.”
“Tell me.”
“Fine I am not.”
“Do you still love me?”
“What sort of crap is this. After 3 years you are coming to
me out of the blue and asking do I love you? Hell no!! I don’t. Why should I?
You left me. You said I can’t be a wife. Please end the call now.”
“I love you and I have loved you always. It is just that I
was immature and my stupid ego did not allow me to call you again. I really
want to be with you. Please can we give it another chance. I would make sure I
don’t spoil it. I swear.”
He spoke in a flow.
“Umm.. No. Not like this. I cannot give you the authority to
hurt me when you please.”
“I love you. Please we can sort it out.”
“I have one condition.”
“Yes yes tell me.”
“Woo me back. If you meet my standards I’ll say yes.”
He could sense her smiling.
For once he knew what to do. For once his ego lost to his
love.
“I’ll make you marry me.”
“We’ll see.”
